*Nothing will keep me from getting to work on time, but not so early that I have to make the coffee. I will arrive well ahead of time, thoroughly prepared with customized handouts in four colors for every class I teach and every meeting.
* I will be zealously cheerful about my work even when I am doing something for the millionth time and can't stand it.
* I will treat every reference question with full professional attention, nurturing concern and encyclopedic knowledge of the world's resources even if the patron is in a hurry to find the restroom.
*I will deftly fix all malfunctioning copy machines, microfilm readers, computers and other equipment without cursing, blaming, or calling for help.
* With the support of the administration I will rationalize all libraryy procedures and policies to fit neatly on the head of a pin _with_ the dancing angels.
*I will micro-manage the smaller budget to cover all legitimate information needs so that money is left over for startling innovations.
* I will graciously accomodate the flood of faculty requests for full library involvement for every course and every student , as I figure out the Internet and explain it perfectly in 15 minutes or less.
* I will leave my desk neat and dusted every night, leaving finished all my professional reading, returned all phone calls and answered all email.
* I will never eat or drink or talk idly in the library.
* I will read good literature in order to be well rounded, and I will return my library books on time. I will shine my halo and keep it on straight, to match my co-workers'.
* And I will occasionally look out the window at the fall sky long enough to remember the above nonsense is unlikely in this best of all possible worlds.
By Elizabeth Elkins, Director, Moon Library, SUNY College of Environmental Science and Forestry, Syracuse, NY